Freedom
This is the first of a series of three paintings which represent the three 10 day retreats I took for the spiritual exercises. The spiritual exercises is a 30-day journey that was crafted by St Ignatius of Loyola. I completed my first part of the retreat in 2018, and afterwards created this painting.
The butterfly became a theme within the retreat for me, symbolising freedom. Before I even went on the retreat I had drawn a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis. On arrival, a butterfly settled on my car. I drew at least one butterfly in my bible journal during the week and at one point a butterfly came and settled on my arm as I sat on the grass. This extract from my prayer journal explores a little of what the butterfly came to represent for me:
“Father, the image of the butterfly has come to mean who you have made me to be - a wonder. It encompasses my heart of compassion, my creativity, the different gifts you have given me. The chrysalis represented my false self, my ego, my shame that I felt was trapping me, causing me a daily struggle to enjoy life. But when (my friend) prayed, I felt challenged to have faith that you could change this situation. It felt like walking on water. The challenge was to trust, and to be that butterfly, letting go of the shame identity that I hadn’t realised I was clinging on to. Now, I hear that the butterfly is to glorify you. I think about what it means to live in this new identity - rather than the chrysalis identity of shame. Learning how to fly, it’s as simple as being who you made me to be. It’s as simple and as difficult as that. Walking by faith, choosing to believe your truth rather than other lies.” 22 Jul 18
As I finished this first section (10) of the 30 days, I had a real sense of change, of freedom, but I also felt held and loved by God. The hands represent this feeling of being held and the butterfly represents the sense of freedom. The butterfly is ready to fly off, to be free to be themselves, to live their life. It really did feel like a fresh start to me. The retreat had been a powerful experience, and the painting has been a wonderful reminder of it.